Healing

It's what we all must do after a broken heart.  I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it, until recent discovery of things that he did.  Now I'm tumbling back into that process.  


I don't want to be angry.   All I really want is to completely have this person and our relationship wiped from my mind.  Be it the happy moments or not.  I just want it all wiped clean.  It has taken my favourite moments in the day, such as before I fall asleep in bed, and when I wake up in bed, into a torture session.  I can't help but think.  That really is the last thing I want to do.


I've come to realize that this has already happened.  It's nothing new.  It's just that I found out about it now, and not before.  So why let something that already happened in the past bother me?  I try ... I try so hard.  


I've read online somewhere that on the road to recovery I should let myself release all my feelings, don't just try to hold it all in and deal with it that way.  But I'm scared.  I'm scared of letting myself go.  I'm scared of feeling vulnerable and hurt.  I know I am suppressing my true feelings, but I'm scared.


Ignorance is bliss sometimes.